A trout in the pot is better than a salmon in the sea.. Irish

Even a small star shines in the darkness.. Finnish

Before you marry, keep your two eyes open; after you marry, shut one.. Jamaican

Too many captains may steer a boat up a mountainside. Korean

Treat your guest as a guest for two days; on the third day, give him a hoe.. Swahili

God save you from a bad neighbor and from a beginner on the fiddle.. Italian

Erin Milburn was having a somewhat heated disagreement with Jim Miller while they sat beside each other in the break room at the Harrodsburg Herald. Jim realized he was getting nowhere and said, "You're impossible!"

Erin replied, "No, I'm next to impossible."

Recently my sister was asking me some questions about her past. "Was I adopted?" She asked.

I was really honest with her. I said, "Yes, but they brought you back."

Anyone who is always raising the roof doesn't have much in the attic.

Knowledge has never been known to enter the head through an open mouth.

Did you ever realize how messed up the English language is? For instance, do you know there in neither pine nor apple in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candy and sweetbreads are meat that isn't sweet. How about boxing rings, aren't they square? If pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress? (seems that way from where I sit)

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? And, why is it that noses run and feet smell, or, we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

After quite a tiff with my wife, I decided to buy her some perfume. At the counter I picked up a bottle and sniffed it. The clerk said it was called Surrender. I sat it down and asked if they had any called Negotiate.

Someone told me Bill Clinton is going to grow a big mustache so you can't read his lips.

How come you never see a recipe for leftover lobster?

Why is it that the advice you give your children is really dumb until they get the same advice from some other kid?

Back to that English language stuff: You've heard of an unsung hero but have you ever met a "sung" hero? How can you fill in a form while filling it out; and, does a house burn up or burn down; or how does an alarm clock go off by coming on? If overlook and oversee are opposites why are quite a lot and quite a few the same? So a horsehair mat is made from the hair of a horse and a camel hair coat is made from the hair of a camel, then what is a mohair sweater made from? Have you ever met someone who can cut the mustard or someone you would touch with a ten foot pole? And, finally, where is the ham in a hamburger?

Everyone likes a good loser, especially the winners.

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss.

I over heard this conversation the other night at Happy Days Diner: "Joe, would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Sweetheart, I would have married you no matter who left you a fortune."

Someone we know just celebrated his 49th birthday and we wanted to pass this along to him. You know you are getting old when the gleam in your eye is the sun hitting your bifocals.

Youth is when we are always looking for greener pastures. Middle age is when we can't mow the one we have.

If Alan Jackson can change the words to his hit song to make a care commercial then it is time for Mr. Farm Aid himself to do a car commercial. I can hear Willie Nelson now singing, "Honda The Road Again".

I was doing a survey a few weeks ago where I had to go door to door and ask the lady of the house some questions. (I'll do just about anything for a dollar). Anyway, I rang this one doorbell and a young boy puffing on a long black cigar answered. I was shocked but tried not to let on, so I said, "Sonny, is your mother home?"

The boy removed the cigar from his mouth, flicked off the ashes and said, "What do you think?"

I moved on to the next house.

I've finally figured out why people are more opposed to the use of fur than leather. It is easier to harass rich women than it is motorcycle gangs.

Did you ever wonder why there are interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

If a camel can go 500 miles without water, wonder how far it can go with water?

Did I see a sign at the State Bank and Trust Company that said, "Don't kiss our girls, they're all tellers? Maybe not.

I was browsing through some old Reader's Digest the other day and found one from June 1978. In it were some excerpts from a book called "Kid's Letters to President Carter". I thought you might enjoy them:

Dear Mr. President:

"Did you always want to be president or did you ever want to be a real person?"

"Do you like the president business better than the peanut business? Grade six would like to know."

"Does the president have to be smart or just a good talker?"

"Do you remember me? I was one of the people who waved at you when you came to New York. Remember I was wearing the brown jacket?"

"Do you know Walter Cronkite? He talks about you a lot."

"What does the Vice President of the United States do all day? I would write to the vice president and ask him, but I don't want to embarrass him because maybe he doesn't want anybody to know he doesn't do much."

"I hope someday there are equal rights for women except for my big sister. She has enough rights already."

"Is it lonely to be the Pres of the U. S. A.? Who do you talk to when you have a problem? When I have a problem, I talk to my best friend, Stewart. P.S. Stewart's phone number is 323-7765. You could call him, too."

"Every night when I say my prayers, I say your name so God will take good care of you. God loves little kids and presidents."

Wonder if Bill Clinton gets any letters? Wonder if they could put them in a book?

Out at Stone Manor you can get a small tossed salad. They say it is tossed just as high as a regular salad but it's just caught in a smaller bowl.

And, for all of you dieters out there I have found something you should know about. There was first Lo-Cal, then there was No-Cal. Now I have discovered the perfect diet. It is call Fis-Cal. That's right, you eat only what you can afford. Already, I have lost...well, it works.

And, finally, tell me this: if there are always two sides to every question, how come there is only one answer?

See, you next month.